


The Apple Never Falls Far

by Redangelfish098



Series: Afterwards [1]
Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Childhood Friends, Depression, Developing Relationship, F/M, Family Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Narcissism, Post-Canon, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-01-04 20:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21203651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redangelfish098/pseuds/Redangelfish098
Summary: There is always a choice between darkness and light, hope and despair, virtue and depravity.  It is rarely an easy one. The line between is too often blurred. Is there a way back to the light from darkness? Is there hope for the despairing? Can those torn by depravity find virtue?Is there a future for the fallen, rotten apple?***Heir to the righteous and compassionate mantle of his parents, Kassim has always felt out of place. He struggles, trapped in a numbing fog, blinded by a haze. A shadow in the realm of too many colors and too-bright light. Hands reach in from the outside, daring him to step outside the mist, to face the world revolving around him.





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I hit a bad writer's block with A New Day, and I was kinda stuck for a while. That was, until this idea hit and refused to let me do anything else until I wrote it. So, here's some stuff that's been floating around in my mind!
> 
> This story is already complete and chapters will be posted every week, on Sundays.

The apple tumbles soundlessly down the hill, green and unripe, now bruised and blackening. The wind was strong that day. Yet this was the only fruit that had fallen. Maybe the branch it had been hanging from was weak. Perhaps its stem was thinner than the others.

Maybe it just wasn’t good enough.

***

Crimson hair and redder eyes, the boy was the image of his mother. He began walking sooner than other children his age. Talking came later than average. His father picks him up, and he is nuzzled into sweet smelling golden locks. He can feel the rumble of his father’s chest as he hums an old lullaby. Kassim is not a sound sleeper, the opposite of his mother.

***

Once he gets a little older, and his parents are consumed with work once more, he begins his time at a daycare near their home. Kassim has trouble playing with the other children. They giggle and shout, chase after one another and sob when they fall and scrape a knee. He just sits and stares. He observes them, seeking to determine their secret. How do they act so effortlessly? Kassim imagines the want to scream and run around, to make another happy, to hop along patterned lines and grin. He tries to want it too.

***

His mother’s stomach is round and heavy, and his father can’t stop smiling. Kassim wonders if he ever does. He dotes on Kassim’s mother, taking her share of work even as she argues she can handle it. His father is so tired, but still so full of energy and life. Watching him dash across their home, arms full of scrolls and papers, makes Kassim want to take a very long nap. His uncle visits, to assist his father and whisper happily with the other adults. Kassim’s father tells him he will be a big brother soon. Kassim doesn’t understand.

***

Kassim understands now. His ‘little brother’ has his same crimson hair; only his is spiky and stubborn, refusing to be brushed back into any sort of hold. His eyes are wide and amber, constantly rimmed with tears at the slightest provocation. Kassim’s- their father jokes, saying he reminds him of a friend. Their uncle laughs. Their mother smiles quietly.

***

At his little brother’s shift to daycare, it is time for Kassim to attend school. He is well liked, pleasant and patient with all he speaks to. He is adored by teachers for his high marks and obedience. He is lonely. He feels empty.


	2. Rolling

The apple continues to roll down the steep hill. It gathers dirt and small, sharp rocks stick to its sides. The apple begins to pick up speed as the angle of the hill grows steeper. It hits an especially large stone, skips into the air temporarily, and then comes crashing back to further its quest ever downwards.

***

After the midday meal, students are permitted half an hour of free time. Kassim feels like a small child again, gazing on from afar as his peers chatter to each other about anything and everything. He sits under a grand tree with a book he isn’t really reading. Kassim stares at the children playing by the riverbank. It seems only a few seconds he’s been outside when the teacher calls them back in. Kassim closes his book, still on the same page he opened it on, and follows with light steps.

***

His brother goes to school now. His brother is a prodigy. His brother has a large group of friends, surrounding him, bombarding him with praise, with love and support and delight at his presence. Kassim sits under his tree while the boy sharing his blood chatters and plays, giggles and shouts. His brother cries when he scrapes his knee. The cloud of companions around him flocks to his aid. Kassim turns a page in his book without having read the previous.

***

It’s his eyes, as the boy who pushes Kassim into the grass shouts. His eyes of bloody ruby, narrow with small pupils. They make him look like a demon. The stout boy screams in his face, jabs and insults like he has something to prove. The crowd around them disperses once they realize they aren’t getting any reaction. The boy spits in his face before walking away. Freak. Psycho. Monster. Beast. Demon. He’s familiar with the names, but not the violence. It must be because they’re older now. Kassim could have hurt them all, far worse than they hurt him. He knows this because he is a beast, half Fanalis, descended from the Red Lions of Alma Torran. He feels the power thrumming just under his skin. But he did not attack. His father says it’s wrong to hurt others. And even without that, Kassim does not want to hurt others. He doesn’t want anything.

***

There’s another boy with red eyes Kassim sees every few months. His hair is long and straight and black, either spilling over his shoulders like ink or woven in intricate braids along his back. His face is heart-shaped, with round cheeks like Kassim’s brother, but their eyes set them apart. Where his brother’s eyes are owlish and open, this boy’s eyes are narrow and distant, always dry and always watching. Kassim has tried to speak to him before. He never replies.

***

His brother is gifted with the sword. Kassim practices his words and studies while he spars with their father. Both of them are smiling. They smile in the same way, ear to ear, inviting others to laugh and smile along with them. Kassim can tell their father is going easy on him, allowing the small boy to get in a few blows before artfully dodging and parrying effortlessly. Kassim attempted swordplay when he was younger. He quickly learned it was not for him. He didn’t possess the assurance of his brother and father, the agile feet or the sheer determination to continuously fall and rise again for another round. That is what his brother does now. Their father helps him stand and they begin again, blades clashing in a dance only they know. Kassim watches through the window of his study. The led of his pencil breaks when he presses too hard.

***

His brother is being gently chastised by their uncle for taking an apple from Balbadd’s public garden. Their uncle’s azure braid swishes against the ground as he speaks. He is trying very hard not to sound patronizing. The eyes of Kassim’s brother are glued to the grass and he refuses to answer the older magician. Kassim was just passing by the Great House’s front doors, arriving from school to gather more texts about the Torran language. He decides seeing his younger brother getting into any trouble at all is far more interesting. After several minutes of negotiation from their uncle, his brother admits why he took the apple. He was going to give it to the homeless girl he’s seen on their walk home. Kassim remembers this girl. Her mother abandoned her nearly two weeks ago. She wanders the streets sometimes, or just sits by the side of a building and cries. If Kassim has a merciful amount of classwork to finish, he will sit with her and watch her. He knows it is a sad thing for parents to leave a child so young. She looks hungry and tired. Kassim will watch her for a little while, see how the tears spill down her cheeks and stain her ragged dress, and then he will leave. Every time his brother sees the girl, his brow furrows and he bites his lip. Kassim wonders why. He expects their uncle to continue reprimanding him, perhaps inform their father of his behavior and assign an appropriate punishment. Instead, his face softens and he places a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. He speaks in a gentle voice. Tells him that they’ll make sure the girl is taken care of, and that his brother can invite her to dinner sometime. Kassim frowns.


	3. Rotting

The apple is rotting at this point, turning brown, covered in soil and pebbles as it falls, and falls, and falls. The hill is very tall, you see. Nearly vertical now, the apple is less falling and more flying downwards, brushing against the grass every so often. He wonders how far it will go.

***

The boy with narrow red eyes is waiting for him under his tree. Kassim stops walking just in front of him. Today his hair is loose. They’re the same height, and the inky black tresses pool around the other boy’s feet. More accurately, the bottom of his robe. Kimono. Hanfu? Kassim can’t remember what it’s called. The boy blinks at him. Kassim blinks back. They appear to be at a standstill. Slightly frustrated with the interference of his daily watching, Kassim decides to try something new. He introduces himself.

The boy tilts his head, and does something new too. He responds. Kassim learns his name and finds out they’re the same age. The boy yawns and tells Kassim to braid his hair. Dumbfounded, he obeys without complaint. It takes his entire break and the boy does not thank him when he finishes. Kassim has no time to people watch that day. He spends any remaining free time pondering the rude boy with the narrow red eyes.

***

The girl is eating dinner with them tonight. Kassim stares her down from the other side of the table, as his brother regales her with one of his fantastic stories. She isn’t smiling but Kassim can tell, she’s already enthralled by his brother’s charm. Their parents sit beside him while his brother sits next to the girl. Their uncle is too busy to join them tonight. Kassim swirls his soup with a silver spoon, lacking an appetite. When his brother gets to the punch line of his story, because as he says all good stories have jokes, the girl giggles. 

His brother grins, proud and satisfied he’s accomplished his goal. He quickly wraps up the story and turns to their father. He nods, and his brother excitedly tugs on the girl’s wrist. The two are off to play together, to laugh and smile and shout. Their parents talk quietly after that. His father inquires about his day. Kassim does not tell him about the boy with the long dark hair.

***

His teacher calls him into her room to speak privately after the other students run outside to their afternoon break. She gestures for him to pull up a chair and sit in the front of her desk. He obeys. His teacher begins by complimenting his academic prowess. This is not unusual. Kassim sits through her rambling with shortening patience and a blank stare. He knows he is intelligent. Just as intelligent as his brother. She finishes speaking for the moment with a small sigh. As Kassim nods politely and stands to leave, she speaks again. 

His teacher tells his she knows he is suffering. Kassim frowns and tilts his head. He is not starving, he gets enough sleep, he has high marks in all of his classes. She says he is a quiet boy. Tells him he should not compare himself to his younger brother. Smiles as she advises him to try to enjoy himself during breaks, to relax just a bit. His teacher pats his shoulder and allows him to leave. Kassim feels see-through as he drifts to his tree on numb legs.

***

Is he suffering? Kassim gazes up, up, up, to the high branches of his tree, watches as the colorful leaves float down, down, down. Red and yellow, orange and brown. He vaguely remembers the light green leaves and tiny blooms of pink. He doesn’t remember the dark green leaves and ripe fruit. How long has he been depending on this tree for shelter from the other children, the desolation of standing in place while the world turns around him, leaves him behind? Has it already? Did he fail to notice, his nose buried in a book he hasn’t finished despite months of nothing but staring at its pages?


	4. Drowning

The apple has been falling for a very long time, nothing but air with no end in sight. There is no visible greenness left on it its skin. Suddenly, it plunges into watery depths, the splash it creates going up, up, up. The apple drowns for several unending seconds, only surrounded by icy blackness.

***

His brother is sparring with their father. Their mother is assisting with a local building project. Their uncle is signing paperwork in his office. The world around him moves on, continues living and breathing just as before. Kassim’s heart can’t beat right.

***

The boy with the long dark hair is waiting for him again. Kassim approaches him under his tree with dry, brown leaves. What else is he supposed to do? The boy’s hair is already braided this time. Kassim wonders what other purpose he has here. He sits under his tree slowly, not breaking eye contact with the boy. Kassim does not have his book today. He threw it in the river last week. Or maybe it was yesterday. Narrow red eyes widen, a heart shaped head quirks. The boy sits next to him. No one has ever sat beside him before. They stay like that, sitting and staring at each other, until his break ends.

***

His marks have been dropping. Not enough to be concerning. Just slightly, slowly. He can’t find the will to study, to remember, to focus. But he is intelligent. He puts in enough effort to not fail. If he failed, his mother and father would be disappointed. They already are. His brother’s marks are the highest in his class. He has friends over every day. He’s always smiling. Kassim doesn’t smile. He’s losing the energy to pretend. Kassim realizes that it what he’s been doing. Acting.

***

He is a shadow. Kassim is a quiet boy. He doesn’t talk to the other students. He does his schoolwork. He reads in the Great House. His heart beats slowly.  
Kassim sits under his tree, hands folded in his lap. He watches the other students. They’re too old to play now, but they walk around and chatter about anything and everything. Some lie down on the grass together and gaze at the clouds, up, up, up high. Kassim looks at his hands. There’s a rustling in the leaves overhead. Kassim stares straight in front of him. He figures it must be a small animal of some kind, chasing its next objective. Moving. Living. Kassim wonders what that’s like. A swinging, shrieking, and cascade of dead leaves jolts him from his thoughts. The boy with narrow red eyes is laughing, jumping down from the tree. Kassim’s heart beats fast.


	5. Floating

The apple bobs to the surface, unhurriedly floating up to meet the air. Its blackened and bruised skin basks in the cool breeze. The river flow forwards, and the apple has no choice but to follow. To move once more.

***

He finds himself looking forward to the visits from the dark-haired boy. Their frequency sways from twice a month to once a year. They are a space of light, a crack in his bleak and monotonous days. They help him measure time and steel himself for the haze enveloping him. Kassim feels sturdier when the boy with the grand crimson kimono is beside him. It’s odd. The boy talks more now, in fact, it seems he never stops. Kassim has a wistful thought of the silence but hastily banishes it. Back when it was quiet, when it is quiet, the world moves without him. The boy’s chatter pulls him along. They are sitting together one day under his tree, holding low hanging red fruit in lush green leaves, when Kassim responds to the boy’s latest story. It was simply a short quip, a poorly practiced attempt at dry humor. He laughs and laughs, and Kassim’s mouth hangs slightly agape. And then, as if that wasn’t enough to baffle him, the boy smiles. Says he knew all along Kassim was a funny guy. Still dizzy from surprise, Kassim does an equally strange thing. He smiles back. 

***

His father wants to talk to him after dinner. His quiet but firm request leaves no room for discussion. Kassim’s father has never been this stern with either of them before. His brother’s eyes, so big and emotional, follow him as he walks to their father’s office. Kassim takes a seat in front of his desk. He remembers the talk with his teacher, the suffering, when he learned the truth about himself. Kassim clenches his jaw. His father pulls up a chair beside him, not behind his desk. He sighs. He tells Kassim his teacher asked for them to talk. Says she was concerned about his mental state. Kassim stares at the ground. He wonders why his teacher cares so much, trying so hard to help him, to fix him. His father’s voice softens, severe façade crumbling. He asks if Kassim trusts him. He would tell him if anything was wrong, right? Kassim glances up, into watery eyes of molten gold, and has to look back down. He sees where his brother gets that manipulative nature. Kassim nods, responds that he’s simply been struggling with the recent topics in class. That’s the reason he’s been reading so much. He forces conviction into his tone as he says he’s getting a hang of it now. He says he’s fine. As his father smiles and ruffles his hair, Kassim can’t help but think he is a very naïve man.

***

He is sitting with the boy again under the dry leaves of his tree. It is cold outside; Kassim can feel his teeth chatter slightly. He pulls his arms around himself. Today their teacher gave them the option to stay inside for afternoon break. Kassim is one of the few who ventured out. The chill does not seem to affect the boy with the long dark hair, who enthusiastically waves his hands as he tells another story. Kassim listens. That is all the boy expects of him. It feels nice. He musters quips and wisecracks on occasion, but it takes so much energy to do so. He does not feel up to it today. The boy complains about his baby brother, idolizes his father, and explains the Eight Attributes of Magic. He is a Purple Magician, proficient in Life Magic. Kassim watches, amazed, as he revives the crunching grass around them. Kassim claps and the boy giddily dances about, elated at having performed the spell correctly. Kassim is content to watch, follow the wild movements with his eyes, but the boy looks to have another idea. He pulls Kassim up, up, up and twirls him around a small patch of crimson flowers summoned from the earth. There’s a strange lightness in his chest and it takes Kassim a moment to realize he’s laughing.

The boy’s name is Dairyuu, and they dance until his break ends.

***

One day Kassim asks him if they can see each other more often. Dairyuu smiles, but doesn’t answer him for a while. Kassim looks down at their intertwined hands, at the blooming flowers surrounding them. He looks up at the growing blossoms in his tree, at the newly vibrant leaves. Dairyuu pokes his cheek. Once he has his attention again, he admits in a small voice that he’s not supposed to be here. That while his father is meeting with the civic officials of Balbadd he sneaks off instead of studying in his room. He only meant to do it once, to get a breath of fresh air, but then he saw Kassim. Dairyuu chuckles now, as if confessing he’s been disobeying his father to visit Kassim is an awkward joke. Kassim squeezes his hand and looks him in the eye, and says he wants to meet Dairyuu’s father. 

***

He is surprised to learn he has already met Dairyuu’s father. Even more surprised to learn he is one of Kassim’s father’s close friends. Well, not astounded by the second one, nearly everyone is a close friend of his father. He stares down the taller (much taller) man with skillfully concealed terror. This man is, after all, the prime minister of the Kou Empire. The same one who fought with his father to defeat a god. Kassim swallows. In his nearly one and a half decades of life, he has never been this nervous. Narrow, ice blue eyes watch him closely. One is a lighter shade than the other. A starburst of scarring makes the paler eye stand out.

The man’s small smile cracks his cold mask. He tells Kassim to treat Dairyuu well, and that there’s no need to sneak around anymore. Kassim tilts his head slightly and blinks quickly. Dairyuu’s father smirks and pats his shoulder before walking away. Kassim is left in utter confusion. 

***

Kassim remembers the first time he met Dairyuu’s father, though he only knew him as the Kou prime minister then. He was younger when they met. Kassim was speeding to return several large books he had lent from the Great House’s library when he ran, literally, into the man with the short dark hair. As punishment, he required that Kassim stop and stand with him for five minutes. He reluctantly obeyed, unfond of the awkward silence between them. They watched Kassim’s father and brother race around the sparring area. When Kassim’s brother tripped and fell, both of them burst into tears.

Kassim remembers being shocked, but not outwardly showing it. He remembers asking the prime minister why his father was crying as well, since it was his brother who fell. Dairyuu’s father had told him it was because his father cared about his son. Kassim repeated the question. The prime minister sighed, and said Kassim’s father was a very empathetic person, which meant it was easy for him to understand and relate to other people’s feelings. Kassim watched his father talk to his brother with bright eyes, and then hug him. Both of them looked happier after that. Kassim asked the older man if he was an empathetic person. He gazed down at Kassim with sadness in his eyes, a thing unknowable to Kassim, and said empathy is hard for some people. Sometimes bad things happen to people, and they forget that bad things happen to other people too. That other people feel and live just as they do. He told Kassim that sometimes people fall in a deep, dark hole and they forget there is a world outside. Kassim asked him then, books suddenly irrelevant, how a person ever gets out of that hole. And the man said, on that breezy summer day, that there is always someone who will reach in, climb down, down, down to pull them up no matter what. That it takes a very long time to find that person sometimes, to find the courage to grab their hand and live again. But they will always arrive someday, they will always reach out into the abyss. Kassim did not understand at the time. He had frowned, shaken his head, and walked away to return his books he never read.

Kassim thinks he understands now.


	6. Flowing

The apple flows with the river, no longer content to fall. Its beaten and rotting flesh is new again in the sun’s warmth. The crystal water has washed away the dirt clinging to it, carried away the looser pieces of rock. The apple is still unripe, still with gashes oozing and indents of brown and black, yet it goes on. He takes a breath, and his heart beats.

***

Kassim tells his father he wants to speak to him. There is something he must say. He walks with his father to the same humble office, this time on his own terms. He pulls up chairs for both of them. He sits, and looks his father in the eyes. The older man seems nervous, a bit sad, though unsurprised. Dairyuu must have warned him of this conversation already. Kassim sighs, and apologizes to his father. As soon as the words come out they can’t stop. He talks, and talks, and talks. He talks about the haze, about his brother, about Dairyuu. His father says nothing. He watches with those shimmering amber eyes. He listens, biting his lip to either stop himself from interrupting or from crying. Kassim appreciates the effort. When the words don’t come anymore, when his voice is hoarse and his throat is tight, his father still does not speak. Before Kassim can react, arms envelop him, his face buried in sweet smelling golden locks. His father cries, because he cares. That is all Kassim needs.

***

His mother hugs him as well, but not before Kassim has to endure an evening meal of her death stare from across the table. She tells him he never has to suffer alone, in a firm and quiet voice. She tells him to share his burdens with the family and his companions. She tells him to not be afraid of relying on others, and it feels like a threat. Kassim promises to communicate more. His mother nods. She pats his head and tells him she is proud. They have his favorite desert that night, one he hasn’t had in a very long time because he forgot what it was. Kassim can smile and joke with his family, and it doesn’t exhaust him. His brother stares with an odd expression that doesn’t look right on him.

***

He opens his new book under the changing leaves of his tree, red, yellow, orange, and brown. The pages of his book are blank and Kassim pulls out a short wooden pencil. He has never drawn before. Though, if he has learned anything, it is never too late. He props the book against his leg and taps the pencil to his paper. His mind is as empty as the page. Dairyuu and his father have returned to their homeland of Kou, but Kassim is not alone. He thinks of his kind father, his serious mother, and has an idea. He lets the pencil drift.

***

After school one day, as they are walking home together, Kassim gets an unusual feeling from his brother. His is behaving as he always does, positive and friendly, but when they leave the school grounds his smile drops. They walk in uneasy silence instead of his brother’s eager chatter. They cross the street, halfway home, and still his brother hasn’t spoken a word. Kassim opens his mouth to begin conversation but his nerves fail him, and the quiet prevails. All Kassim can hear are the soft sounds of late afternoon, bird calls, the rushing of the nearby river. That haze threatens to swallow him, narrowing the noise to only their footsteps. Then his brother speaks. He comments on Kassim’s improved attitude. His voice is flat and he doesn’t turn to look at Kassim. They arrive home and his brother smiles as he greets their parents. When Kassim greets them, an awkward half-smile on his face at their father’s excited recounting of his grade improvement and positivity, he glances at his brother. His smile is wide and his eyes are bright, but as Kassim looks down, he notices the way his hands clench at the hem of his shirt.

***

His brother does not bring friends over anymore. Kassim certainly doesn’t mind the lack of gleeful screaming, raucous laughter, and giddy whispers. Although, it is a concerning change. His father and Dairyuu are helping him to be more considerate and observant towards others. Kassim attempts to ask his brother about it several times, but just as he’s about to speak, those glittering amber eyes will force him to look away. There is something too powerful about those eyes. His brother always smiles, laughs at every joke, he is permanently positive and always happy. Kassim used to view that as the ideal, his brother the image of perfection. Now he sees he is pretending just as much as Kassim was. He wonders what is making him crack. 

***

His brother did not come to school today. He complains of a stomachache. Only when their father panics slightly, tells him he’ll take the day off to care for him, does his little brother look honestly happy. No, that’s not right. Kassim thinks of his brother’s face again. Satisfied, was a better term. When Kassim comes home his brother is sitting in their father’s lap. Their father brushes the boy’s messy hair, and proudly tells Kassim his brother is feeling better thanks to his expert care. Kassim almost chuckles, but owlish amber eyes meet his, challenging, and a sick sensation crawls up Kassim’s spine as he simply nods.

***

They are sitting under his tree in the frigid air. Kassim shudders, in part to do with the cold. He is telling Dairyuu about his brother’s odd behavior as the latter braids his crimson hair. Dai insisted that it should be Kassim’s turn this time. His hair is not nearly as long as Dairyuu’s, but it is thin and straight, easy to braid. Dai had admitted in a bashful tone he has no skill in braiding hair. Someone else always does it for him. Kassim laughs, freely and loud, when Dairyuu makes an error and must begin all over again. Then he smiles and encourages him. Dai smiles back. Kassim gradually quiets his cheering and wisecracks to return to the task at hand. His brother is acting strangely. Dairyuu pauses for a moment, only to wrap the finished braid around the crown of his head and fix it with pins. He tells Kassim his little brother must be jealous. Kassim remembers his brother’s clenched hands, the challenge in his eyes. He can’t help but sense there is more to it than that, but he grins and tells Dai he must be right.

***

He wears the braided crown the rest of the day. His father teases about his relationship with Dairyuu. His mother compliments the craftsmanship. His brother frowns. The next day, he asks their father to braid his hair.


	7. Crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating this last week! I may have... totally forgotten... But no need to worry! This work will be completed. Eventually... ':)

As the apple is rushing along with the river, it crashes into a stone lodged in the streambed. The sharp stone is stagnant, despite its clean and sparkling appearance; it has been stuck there for a very long time. The apple seems to hesitate for a moment, as if in shock from the blow. The stone left a long and deep cut in its skin, into the rotten fruit beneath. The apple lingers by the stone, watching, until the river carries it past.

***

Kassim is drawing the school building as he sits under the lively green leaves and growing fruit. The grass is wet with midday rain, since passed, and he is careful to keep his book dry. Kassim begins with a vague outline, before filling in shapes and progressing to smaller details. He focuses on the main entrance door, erasing and redrawing it several times. When he finally gets it right, Kassim groans at the black marks coating that area of the paper. He glances up again to ensure he truly got it right this time, only to find his brother standing over him. 

Swallowing, suddenly nervous, Kassim politely asks if he needs anything. His brother looks down at his drawing, face blank and unreadable. He asks to see it without answering Kassim. Giving it to him, Kassim takes a deep breath. This is his little brother being a curious child. His brother takes it, inspects it, then holds his two hands at the top. He stares at him without blinking as he tears it in half. He tells Kassim he just doesn’t have a talent for drawing at all. He crumples up the remains and throws them at Kassim’s feet. His brother turns his back, but not before Kassim sees his eyes water. He stomps away, and all Kassim can think about is a few days ago. Their father had praised his drawings, and his brother had curled his small hands into fists.

***

He keeps the balled up, torn pieces of his drawing. Kassim leaves them in his dresser, looks at them when he suspects he is taking his brother’s recent behavior out of proportion. When the haze claws at the corners of his mind. The pieces remind him the fight is not over yet. Kassim does not show them to anyone. He was saved before, and now it is his turn to do the saving.

***

His brother’s attempts to garner attention grow more drastic. He joins five clubs. He takes extra tests, passes everything with flying colors. He wins awards and admiration from his peers. When their parents fail to validate him exactly the way he wishes, when his father’s praise feels empty and the hollowness is screaming, when Kassim visits the Kou Empire for a month and nothing changes,

he breaks his leg.

***

Their extended family is coming over. Cousins, aunts, uncles, so many of blood and those who have been collected over the years and adventures. They crowd their home, bringing gifts and cards and goodwill. Kassim stands with their father beside the door of his brother’s room, letting the relatives filter through a few at a time. As the day passes the pit in Kassim’s stomach grows, up, up, up, until he can’t breathe anymore and has to excuse himself. 

Their family means well, of course, but all they are doing is feeding a beast inside of his brother, always hungry but never sated. He sits on a bench their father crafted for the garden. He breathes in the cool evening air. He closes his eyes. How did it get this bad? Kassim believed his emptiness was all consuming, suffocating, yet compared to this the haze is a passing fog. His brother said he fell down a hill while playing with his friends, but Kassim knows, just knows, it was not an accident. To be so desperate, to go so far, Kassim cannot imagine. He opens crimson eyes, thinks of the crumpled paper in his dresser, and makes up his mind.

***

Kassim sits on his brother’s bed after the family has left. They speak now in the den, catching up, chatting about anything and everything. His brother’s eyes are closed but Kassim knows he is awake. Waiting for something. Kassim thinks they have waited enough. He tells his brother he needs to talk to him. One amber eye teases open. He does not respond otherwise. Kassim decides he must speak for both of them however long it takes. He talks about their parents, school, and his tree. He tells him about loneliness and fear, about Dairyuu and dancing, about the haze and colorless days. He asks his brother what he calls it. Kassim’s brother cracks both eyes open, staring, patient.

So Kassim tells him he knows why he broke his leg. Because when people look at him, when they admire him and praise him and adore him, fawn over and care for, it goes away. But it always comes back. He returns his brother’s stare with what he hopes is conviction in his gaze. His brother’s answer is quiet, and Kassim almost doesn’t catch it. Yet at the same time he could have never missed it.

His brother calls it the hollowness.


	8. Drifting

The apple reaches calmer waters, peacefully drifting onwards, cooled by the chilling river and frigid breeze. The seeping cut in its side has been cleaned. Back, far behind the apple now, a powerful wave threatens to remove the jagged stone from its place. Despite the river’s insistence, the stone remains resolute.

***

When his brother’s leg heals, he returns to school. He is smothered by his friends’- no, his tools’- concern and elation at his return. Kassim watches him closely that day. How he behaves, how he treats those who flock around his façade of light and warmth. His brother is better at hiding than Kassim. Though, with another glance he is clearly more than just a charming and confident boy. He is a leader, controlling those who admire him with a dazzling smile and laughter like church bells. He talks the most in his group. His brother’s amber eyes flick between his tools, waiting for someone to look away, to disobey. He feeds on their attention yet even with so much approval he is still desperately insecure. Kassim may not be able to relate, or quite understand why his brother is like this, but he does know now, that they share one thing. He has the haze, and his brother, the hollowness. They can fight them back together.

***

Kassim asks his brother if he has spoken about the hollowness to anyone. They are walking home from school, alone. His brother frowns and shakes his head. He doesn’t look at Kassim. Since their conversation after he broke his leg, Kassim’s brother is unable to meet his eyes. Kassim wonders if he is still reeling over admitting he is flawed, or if he is too disgusted with Kassim to look at him. Now he knows about the haze, about his struggles. He cannot imagine what his brother thinks of him. Kassim almost wants to ask. He does not. Instead, he asks why his brother is keeping this secret. His brother stops dead and finally looks up at him. His teeth are bared, fists tight and eyes blazing. Kassim blinks at him, face neutral. They lock eyes and the world narrows to only them. His brother grabs the front of his robe, drags him down to his height. He hisses that he is not weak and pathetic like Kassim. He sneers that he is above depending on others, that he is mighty, that he is strong. Kassim does not react. His brother growls and releases him, leaving him to walk home by himself. After he is gone is when the world recolors, and Kassim can catch his breath. This may be more difficult than he anticipated.

***

This time, they are taking a walk. Dairyuu can get restless at times; he says too much sitting makes his lower body hurt. Kassim chuckles, eager to oblige. They stroll in comfortable silence for a while. Today, Kassim is off from school so the two have plenty of time to wander. The tale of his brother’s belittlement is clawing at his throat, but Kassim bites it back to allow Dai to speak. It’s been too long since his last visit, he says despite the fact they are growing more frequent than ever. Dairyuu talks of his over-protective ‘dad’, and Kassim resists a quirk of his brow at the informal term. Usually Dai refers to him as ‘father’. He lets him rant, swinging their intertwined hands as they roam around town. Kassim must close his eyes at some point, because Dairyuu interrupts his own speech to make a joke about Kassim using his voice as a lullaby. Kassim’s eyes fly open then, his face gently flushed. Dai returns to his chatter as Kassim makes a better effort to pay attention. He comments about his hyper, mischievous little brother turning his father’s hair grey, and from the wide-eyed and shameful look he gives Kassim, thinks he has misstepped. Kassim waves off his apology and decides now is the time to reveal his brother’s secret, even if it may not be his to share.

***

The meeting between Dairyuu and his brother is tense, to say the least. Dai had asked to speak to him alone, but Kassim can’t help but peak through the cracker door. Dairyuu knows his brother’s secret. His brother knows that he knows. They stare each other down from across a small table, designed for his brother’s height. Dai appears a giant in his carefully decorated room. The standstill between them reminds Kassim of the first time he and Dairyuu sat under his tree. If this confrontation ends half as well, everything will be wonderful.

As Kassim soon discovers, he definitely jinxed it.

***

Dai breaks the draw by speaking in a soft, kind voice, so low Kassim can barely hear him right outside the door. He watches his brother narrow his eyes and fold his hands in his lap. Dairyuu leans forward, just a bit, and places his hands on the table. His brother doesn’t shrink away, matching Dai. They speak in quick whispers as if they know Kassim is listening in. They probably do. All Kassim is able to do is watch them through the slightly ajar door. Dai’s features harden at something his brother says, and it is the angriest Kassim has ever seen him. His brother is smiling but it is not happy or warm. This smile is bleeding with venomous pride. They talk for a while longer. Dairyuu just gets angrier, and his brother looks manic at this point. His brother mimics Dai when the latter stands, knuckles white from how tightly clenched they are. This time Kassim hears him when his brother mocks their relationship, taunts Dairyuu’s family, calls him just as much of a screw-up as Kassim. Says they deserve each other. Tells him how disappointed his little brother must be, to be stuck with such a sorry excuse for a magician as an elder sibling. Kassim has to drag Dai out of the room.

***

Following the meeting, he and Dairyuu take another walk. To cool down, Kassim tells him, though he is unfamiliar to the concept. The heat outside is not helping. The sun beats down on them high in the sky, the breeze merely a small comfort. Dai does not stop to admire the flowers and birds as he usually does. He follows Kassim with heavy steps, eyes glued to his feet. Kassim sighs, stops their walking, and turns to face Dairyuu. He lifts his head up with a hand and tells him it wasn’t anyone’s fault what happened. His brother is nervous, he feels vulnerable, therefore he lashes out. Dai growls that it still wasn’t fair. No matter what his brother may be feeling he has no right to say those things. Kassim agrees with him in a soothing tone, brushing some of Dairyuu’s hair behind his ear. He adds that perhaps Dai should not get involved after all. He begins to object but something in Kassim’s eyes silences him. Kassim tells him it is now a matter between brothers.


	9. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since this section is pretty short, and I haven't updated in a while, tomorrow will probably have another section posted.

The apple bobs in the water, nearly still. A slow current kindly urges it on, but it stays in place. Looking back, waiting. The rough stone locked in the riverbed shifts, just enough to sway slightly in the gentle waves.

***

Kassim writes his brother a note. He tries to express his honest desire to connect, to try to understand one another. Kassim finds it torn into pieces, lying on his bed the next day. He keeps it in the same drawer as his ripped up drawing.

***

He attempts to speak to their father about it, just once. But as he sees the bags under his eyes and the ink staining his sleeves, he realizes how much it would devastate him, devastate their mother, to discover both of their children were… different. It would be better for them to remain ignorant, to stay safe. Kassim tells his father nevermind, and that he should get more sleep.

****

Kassim corners his brother one day after school. He thinks of their walk home and his brother’s breakdown, struggles to shake it off as he assures himself this time will not be the same. All he plans to do is tell his brother to meet with him in his study, for a casual conversation. Kassim takes a breath, crimson meeting amber as the time comes to speak. His brother watches him, no smile present on his face though he seems to be amused. Kassim ponders for a moment if this is all a game to him. But, he recognized the fear when he mentioned the hollowness, and he knows it is very real.

Kassim asks if they can chat over a cup of tea in his study. His brother snickers. Kassim asks if they can talk in the garden with a few sweet rolls. His brother holds his sides, laughter like funeral bells. Kassim inquires if they might visit the lake and feed the ducks, perhaps exchange some light chatter. His brother’s face is so red; he’s bending over, trying to catch a breath between fits of giggles. Kassim tells him he won’t give up on him.

His brother’s laughter goes silent.

***

Kassim leaves another note for his brother. It only has four words on it. Fourteen letters.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

He does not find it torn up on his bed.

***

When his brother goes to school, he basks in the admiration of his peers. Under the changing colors of his tree, upon the crunching fallen leaves and dry grass, Kassim can’t help but think so many eyes always watching must be terrifying.

***

His brother talked back to their father at their evening meal today. Kassim reviews the argument on loop in his mind as he faces the ceiling in his bed. Their father had relayed the same message he told Kassim to his brother: He will be there. He can listen. He cares. His brother smiled, and said he was not as fragile as Kassim. He was not weak. He can handle anything. His brother tacked on not wanting to burden their father, but it was obviously an afterthought. Their father frowned, and firmly replied that relying on others didn’t make a person weak. His brother scoffed, muttered that of course their father would see it that way. 

Their mother then asked to speak privately with him. Unlike Kassim, their mother is someone his brother would not dare refuse, even with his inflated self-importance. Besides, when their mother asks to speak with them, it is not a request. Kassim sighs, turning over to stare at the wall. Their father’s expression would not leave his mind, the molten gold eyes and pain etched into every crease on his face. That pain he saw, Kassim thinks, is a pain neither he nor his brother will ever be able to truly experience.

He does not sleep that night.


	10. Rushing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some pretty heavy angst. Warning for Narcissistic Injury and mental breakdown. A kind-of happy ending though.

The apple is pushed onwards by the current gaining strength. It rushes on, waves crashing against stones, splashing onto the adjacent land. With the river’s determination, the stone is loosened, released. Light rain ripples the water as the stone speeds away, to catch up, to prove it is free.

***

This time it is his brother who leaves a note. The letter patiently waits for Kassim at his desk. His brother must have left it the previous night, since Kassim arrived home before him today. He unfolds it, disbelieving. Perhaps their mother ordered him to apologize, yet he could not restrain his ego enough to do it in person. When he sees the page coated in black marks and eraser rubbings from countless attempts to phrase it just right, Kassim feels a fleeting burst of a sharp emotion he has not felt in a long time, perhaps ever.

I AM NOT ALONE.

He carefully refolds the note and keeps it in his drawer of his brother’s journey.

***

During evening meal his brother sits across from him. He will not meet Kassim’s eyes. That is alright. Kassim smiles and laughs with their parents and uncle, but his gaze continuously drifts back to his brother. As he tells the tale of a recent misadventure (feat. Dairyuu), he invites him to join in. If there’s one thing his brother truly loves, it is telling stories. When his brother quietly shakes his head, preferring to pick at his cold meal, a sense of wrongness shakes Kassim to his core.

***

His brother eyes his tools with faint disinterest, as they badger him with questions and commentary. Kassim pauses the sketching of his tree to observe. He nods along but he doesn’t smile. For once his brother is not talking, not laughing, not doing much of anything at all. Kassim looks at his eyes and sees something familiar. He walks to the circle of admirers and sends them fleeing with a glance. He leans down to his brother’s height and asks him if he wants to go home. Empty eyes look up at him, filling with something new and strange. He mouths the word ‘yes’, his voice hoarse and unusable. His amber eyes are redder than average. Kassim takes his hand and takes him home. He tells their parents and the teacher he was feeling sick. Kassim knows he wasn’t feeling anything.

***

Dairyuu leaps in the pile of dead leaves, making them soar and spread in the cool wind and over the crackling grass. Kassim’s laugh arrives as more of a sigh. Dai shakes several dry leaves from his messily braided hair and looks at him, frowning. Kassim will always envy the emotion in his narrow red eyes, still somehow so much wider and wiser than Kassim’s will ever be. He offers a small shrug, attempting to brush it off like another dead leaf. He doesn’t want to involve Dairyuu. When the aforementioned boy stomps over and plants himself in Kassim’s lap, he has no choice but to tell him everything.

***

Following Dai’s advice, Kassim decides to pay closer attention to his brother. He makes an effort to spend more time with him. They have tea in his study. They talk in the garden, sneaking away warm sweet rolls from the evening meal. They visit the lake and feed the ducks. His brother tells him he is hollow. Kassim says he understands. His brother turns away. They converse often now, though most of their words exchanged are meaningless pleasantries. How was your day? It was okay. To an outsider’s perspective they are finally getting along. Their father pulls Kassim aside one day to tell him how proud he is that Kassim is helping his little brother. He smiles and nods, not quite ready for the consequence of informing their father that his brother is not getting better. Not finding balance. 

The two of them are not fighting now but they are at a standstill, a temporary ceasefire. Kassim wants to help him, to save him, more than anything else. It is one of the only wants he has discovered within himself, besides being with Dairyuu and making their parents happy. Kassim wants to save him, but he does not know how. He may be the only one who can but he does not know where to begin. He is lost and feels the haze creep in the corners of his mind, the color draining from the corners of his world. But he will be brave. He will not give in.

***

He hears a crash in the cold night, staring up, up, up at his ceiling, crimson eyes wide open. His parents are on a business trip now. Kassim thinks he misses them. There is another crash, a tearing, a shattering, and he is out of bed and out of his room. He brings a candle with him. There are always the orbs, the magic tools for light, but Kassim does not like them. They are too bright. He stalks down the hall in his night robes, still rubbing his bloodshot eyes. He does not remember the last time he slept.

Kassim hears the crashing and banging again, coming from further, further. The hall is stretching eternally and the candle casts dark shadows on the floor. Sometimes Kassim feels more akin with them than the living. Another bang, like something being thrown at the wall. His brother’s room. He sways on his feet, trying to shake away the numbness climbing up his legs. He opens the door. 

The room is black until Kassim ushers his candle in and his vision adjusts. His brother’s dollhouse room does not look like a room anymore. The walls are dented; table overturned, dressers spilling their contents on the floor, chairs thrown across the room. His mirror is broken. His brother looks smaller than usual, curled tightly against the far wall, across from his small bed with the blankets and pillows ripped apart. He is shaking without crying. His head is buried in his arms. Kassim approaches him with soft steps, slow. He dodges shards of glass to sit beside his brother. He does not seem to know Kassim is there. He sits with his little brother for a while, surveying the damage to his room in the darkness, wondering how this will be explained to their parents, watching his thin form tremble, hands clenching and unclenching. Then Kassim tells him he is there. 

His brother tenses. Kassim says the crashes woke him up. That he was concerned there was an intruder. He does not know why he lies. His brother shakes his head, the motion barely noticeable with how tightly his arms are wound. Kassim frowns. He asks if there is anything he can do to help. His brother shakes his head again, more fervently this time. He lets out a choked sob and Kassim braces himself for tears. But the tears don’t come. His brother clutches his head, gasps and heaves, coughs and shrieks, but he doesn’t cry. Kassim puts a hand on one of his shoulders, and his brother hisses. He finally looks up, molten amber tinged crimson. Kassim sees his hands are red, claw marks on his arms going up, up, up past his sleeves. He demands to know why Kassim is this way. Why despite the emptiness he is kind. Kassim smiles, a small quirk of his lips. He says it is because there are people he cares about, honestly cares about, and while they are few he would do anything for them. 

His brother scowls. Kassim tells him he understands. They may not be exactly the same, but he knows what it is like. His brother digs his nails into the hand placed on his shoulder. He screams that they are nothing alike. Kassim could never understand. Kassim is a phantom, a specter. He is nothing but a shadow and the others tolerate him. His brother wears a mask but under the mask he is not nothing. After the words leave his brother’s mouth, he hesitates, amber orbs dipped in icy pools. He cries. He does not cry like the homeless little girl, not childish sobs and shiny tears, not a red nose and stained dress. His brother howls and roars and bares his teeth like the beasts they are descended from. Torrents leak from his eyes and claws tear at Kassim but he does not pull away.

When the howls lessen into quiet whimpers, when his throat is sandpaper and everything hurts, his brother speaks again. Hoarse, pained, poisonous pride bleeding with lethal self-loathing. His voice is small, desperate, pleading. Kassim is reminded, starkly, of how young his brother is, then.

I don’t want to be nothing. I don’t want to be broken. I don’t want to be empty. I don’t want to be like you.

Kassim grabs his brother’s face to look him in the eyes.

We are not nothing. Not broken. Just different. 

He holds his brother in his arms for the rest of the night.


	11. Slowing

The apple slows, the waves settling, satisfied. It floats into a clear pool, trees overhear dropping leaves in the calm water. The apple drifts towards the pool’s center. The blackened fruit is a stark contrast to the glittering crystal-blue lake. Another, faster wave from the river disrupts the peaceful stillness. The stone nearly skips across the water’s surface as it sails to meet the apple. The apple no longer waits.

***

His brother is prideful, bitter, naïve, young, cruel and foolish. He is hollow yet consumed by fear. He is chaotic, antagonizing, difficult, different. But he is not alone. When their parents return they make a pact to reveal their struggles together. Kassim has already told their parents, but he will tell them again, holding nothing back. He thought be could handle this by himself, that their parents would not be able to bear it, but he realizes now his brother needs all the support he can get. Kassim is currently tutoring his brother on crafting a flower crown. For Dairyuu, as an apology. His little brother had rolled his eyes at ‘apologize’, but Kassim has assured him this was the beginning of his path to balance. He sighs.

***

The best way to describe Dairyuu’s reaction to his brother’s blasé offering of the flower crown is the five stages of grief in a minute. First, denial that the self-absorbed child, who had found such glee in degrading him, would lower himself to an apology. Next, anger at his brother for believing a flower crown would suffice. Then bargaining with Kassim about the validity of the apology. After that comes the despair of learning his brother’s situation in truth, the young boy piping in on occasion with his unwelcome additions to the story. Finally comes the acceptance, Dairyuu taking the too big and crudely made flower crown from Kassim’s brother and wearing it around his neck. He looks at Kassim and he nods. His brother, out of the loop, frowns as he glances between them. It’s a matter of seconds before Dai drags his brother into a suffocating hug. He still looks angry, reprimanding Kassim’s brother in a firm tone while patting his shaggy cherry-red hair. His brother gives Kassim an awkward, slightly uncomfortable smile over Dai’s shoulder. Kassim smiles back.

***

Their father is still crying. Kassim can’t tell at this point if they’re ‘happy tears’ or ‘sad tears’. Both terms mean little to him. He is squeezing Kassim and his brother, murmuring how much he loves the two of them. 

They’d finished their explanation two hours ago. Their mother had listened intently to every word, sharp crimson eyes always locked on the speaker. Despite not saying a word those eyes told everything, and when she held both their hands and nodded, Kassim knew she would be there for them. She had then exited the room. In his opinion, their father was going a bit overboard this time. While he had already been through this once before, a quick glance to his brother told him he’d never seen their father this emotional. 

Kassim bumps his shoulder, in what his books said was friendly encouragement, but his brother remains very still. Possibilities race across Kassim’s mind until his brother lets out a soft chuckle. Hearing it, their father looks up from his quiet crying and laughs back. When their mother returns with hot tea for all of them, she finds the three of them laughing, loudly, breathlessly, for almost no reason at all. She can’t help but think the boys really do take after their father.

***

Kassim does not think he has ever laughed this much. Until a few years ago he wasn’t even sure he could laugh. Yet here he is, barely able to breathe as Dai animatedly recounts his graduation from Magnostadt Academy, complete with hijinks and near death experiences. He is joining Kassim’s family for dinner. His father is as well. At first Kassim was terrified, but Dai promised him his father would be civil. Much to his surprise, Dai’s father is a pleasant addition. There are no death glares, no threats, just humorous commentary and small smiles. They have Dairyuu’s favorite desert that night. Kassim can tell their parents are close friends by the natural banter and easy conversation. 

There is a soft and warm feeling in his chest, the kind he feels when he is with Dairyuu, and he thinks it must be love. Love for the people at this table: his irritable brother with the teasing quips, his open-hearted father with the tears of laughter, his stoic mother with the faint smirk and shining eyes. And then there are Dairyuu and his father, those who Kassim is quickly accepting as new members of the family. There is a gentle and warm feeling in his beating heart, a sensation so unfamiliar and fleeting. The feeling stays with him into the night, and he sleeps well.

***

Well, that is, until Dai wakes him up in a panic the following morning. He holds his communication device close to his chest in one hand, wildly shaking Kassim with the other. He is yelling. Something about his ‘dad’ coming? Kassim waves him away and blearily peeks out of his door, letting out a yawn. Dairyuu’s father is standing down the hall, already fully dressed and wide-awake, chatting with Kassim’s father. Kassim wonders when he woke up. He turns back to Dai with the kind of tired bewilderment that can only be attained by those just shaken awake. Dairyuu has time to shout ‘The other one!’ before there is a crash, screaming, and running down the hall. Kassim catches Dai’s father smirk, then he is shoved into the room as Dai slams the door behind them. He looks about as petrified as Kassim when he first met with Dai’s father about their relationship. Kassim blinks slowly.

The door bursts open with some kind of magic Kassim is too tired to identify, leaving sparks and static in the air. He smells burnt wood. His state of half-awareness has left him comfortably numb, a feeling so different from the haze he has to smile. A long black braid thicker than Dai’s swings behind the figure, and wide, ringed red eyes stare down. The expressive hands on his hips are pale but covered in something that looks like soot. His gaze is close, critiquing. Now he sees where Dairyuu gets it. Dai is currently grabbing onto his dad’s arm, trying to pull him away from Kassim while frantically babbling something that could have been an explanation. Kassim chuckles at the sight.

Dairyuu stops fighting his dad, arms going slack with shock. His dad snickers and comments how ‘at least this one isn’t a wimp.’ Dai’s mouth remains slightly agape as his dad flicks Kassim’s forehead, sending a small zap through his skin, and waltzes out of the room. He goes to speak but Kassim’s yawn interrupts him. He asks to go back to sleep. Dai dully nods, wishing him a good rest.


	12. Growing

Kassim’s coat teases the new sprouts of grass as he wanders. Originally intending to rest under his tree, his feet had instead led him down the river. He watches the clear water rush on and on, splashing over stones in the riverbed and spraying small droplets over his robe. The rain was finished for the day, but the recent downpour left the river higher than usual. He steps over plant roots and stray rocks, following the stream to where it feeds into a lake.

Towards the edge, Kassim notices a wobbly black orb. A closer look reveals it is an apple, far beyond its prime and horribly damaged. Right in front of its bobbing in the water is a smooth and shiny stone on the land. It most likely washed up there. Kassim figures it would make a suitable addition to his brother’s growing rock collection. Only the finest, his brother said. Kassim picks up the shimmering rock with a jagged bottom and slips it into the pocket of his coat. Glancing back to the rotten apple floating in the water, he gets an idea. The apple’s flesh seems to melt away as he grabs it, leaving the core and Kassim’s objective. 

He figures this place could use an apple tree.

***

Dai’s dad likes peaches, as he soon learns during their first formal meeting. Though, formal isn’t quite the best word to use. They are sitting together for lunch in the garden: Dai, his parents, and Kassim. He feels out of place, nibbling on his biscuit while the braided attendees hang from a tree. They laugh and chat while sprawled over high branches. Dai’s dad is cradling a bowl of peaches, occasionally tossing ones to and at his son. Dairyuu’s father sits beside Kassim yet he feels miles away. His eyes haven’t left the tree. There’s a blissful smile on his face, and Kassim doesn’t want to interrupt his happiness. He’s aware of how rare it is to be both peaceful and content.

Kassim continues glancing at Dairyuu, at his father, then back at his rapidly cooling biscuit. When he looks back up at Dai’s father, he meets his eyes. The smile hasn’t left the prime minister’s face. Kassim coughs, choking on surprise and half chewed bread. He nearly misses the amusement on his face. Kassim finally swallows and his features scrunch up in embarrassment. Dai’s father chuckles, patting his shoulder. He tells Kassim he doesn’t have to be nervous. They’re practically family, after all. And besides, once you adjust to their eccentrics, all of them are competent and relaxed people. Kassim smiles and says he understands, from Dai.

Soon after there is laughing and screaming when Dai falls from the tree. 

***

They are walking again, this time. They meander through neighborhoods and marketplaces, joined hands swinging with their steps. Dairyuu points out the different kinds of birds, the contrasts in their calls, and the budding of flowers. He talks about the clear sky and the warm breeze. Dai tells Kassim he will be leaving soon. His aunt, the empress of Kou, can only handle watching his little brother by herself for so long. He laughs, but there is a sadness in his narrow red eyes. Kassim says he will visit as soon as he can, to meet Dairyuu’s little brother and extended family. The first time he went to Kou, the most recent time, the family had been busy and the brother off to a foreign academy. Dairyuu brightens with anxiety and elation, squeezing Kassim in a hug so tight he almost forgets to breathe.

There is a whisper in Kassim’s ear. Dai asks if he can introduce him as his fiancé, instead of ‘this boy who is courting me’. Kassim flushes, spluttering. The look on Dai’s face is panic, meaning he’s about to laugh off the request as a joke. Before he gets the chance, under the bright blue sky, in a field of crimson flowers Kassim now thinks it wasn’t luck they ran into, he kisses Dairyuu. He complains that he wanted to be the one to propose. Dai’s grin rivals the sun, on that warm spring day.

***

Kassim is not one for alcohol. Or music. Or crowds of people. Or any kind of celebration. Yet he must endure. It is his engagement party after all. His father insisted on throwing a party on the day before Dai and his parents are set to leave, after hearing the news. Oh, Kassim’s mother and father were not surprised, but his father had cheered and yelled and made sure as many people knew about it as soon as possible. His father had a boisterous way of showing his excitement. His mother had quietly congratulated him, though from the spark in her eyes and the spring in her step, Kassim could tell she was just as thrilled as his father. 

When his brother heard the news, his face was stony and unreadable as he gave a silent thumbs-up. It must have bored him. Even after their reconciliation, Dai and his brother were still not on the best of terms. Kassim had grabbed his shoulder and told him he didn’t have to be happy for them, just don’t enact any evil schemes to sabotage the wedding, okay? His brother, ever the jester, tapped the hand on his shoulder, and with a deadpan expression said he’d try his best. Then he smirked. His brother is not the kindest or most empathetic person, and he will never be, but he is indeed trying his best.

His name is Goltas, and Kassim had squeezed his cheek before leaving to plan the party.

***

Dairyuu pulls Kassim back into the present for a dance. The music is loud and too many people are talking and shouting at once, but all he can see right now is Dai. They turn and twist and twirl, laughing and smiling, the world theirs for a day. Family and friends clap and voice their approval at volume. As Dairyuu dips him Kassim has an inverted view of their parents and his uncle at the main table, celebrating with drinks and each other’s company. His father waves with a wide grin. Kassim grins back before Dai pulls him into the dance’s next steps. 

So, this is love. This is joy, he thinks, as Dai missteps and nearly falls into him. Neither of them have been drinking but Kassim figures they must be intoxicated on this feathery feeling, the feeling he’s been chasing his whole life. He knows it will not last. The haze is always a step behind, as close as his shadow. Yet even with that, even with the emptiness and fear and despair he knows will come in the future, Kassim knows he will survive. He will prevail. They spin and Kassim catches a glimpse of Goltas dancing with someone he doesn’t recognize. Both of them are smiling. No matter what comes next, the apple seeds will sprout and grow and live, and nothing will stand in their way.


End file.
